girl crush: elin strong
"SAHM...doesn’t mean giving up or lacking ambition"
Hi! Substack is telling me that this post is “too long for email” — I had so many questions I wanted to ask Elin and she sent so many perfect photos of her adorable family that I had a hard time choosing. If you’re reading this in your email, you may have to hit “expand” to view the whole thing.
YOU GUYS!!
is on girl crush today!! If you don’t already know Elin, she writes the beautiful, heartfelt newsletter , which is full of raw, yet humorous essays often about the duality of motherhood and all its in-between’s. I never miss an issue.It’s honestly tough to find the words I want to say about Elin because I love her so much. And, I’ve only known her for three months, since starting my newsletter.
That’s right — we’re Substack besties! Except now we text, email, DM, call, you name it. We’re at similar life phases, which always helps with momentum in an early friendship, but also, she’s just good people. We have so much in common that it feels like she’s my long lost sister. You know those people you just instantly click with? That’s Elin for me. It feels like we were meant to be in each other’s lives and I’m so grateful for her friendship.
For the moms and moms-to-be especially: save this interview so you can come back to it again, and again. I know I will ❤️ .
Meet Elin Strong:
Where are you from & where do you live now?
First of all, hi! Girl Crush is my favorite series on the internet, and I’m so excited (understatement) to be included.1
Okay, back to your question. I’m from Southern California, and I still live there now – Orange County, to be exact. When you’re born on the best coast, it’s hard to leave. Believe me, I’ve tried.
Who (&/or what) lives with you?
I love the way you ask this. Aside from the hundreds of dust bunnies that live here rent-free, I share a home with my husband (about to celebrate our 6-year wedding anniversary!), our two daughters (ages 11 weeks and 2 years), and our 4-year old precocious af Aussiedoodle who will never let us forget that she was the original baby.
How do you spend your days? (ie. “What do you do?”)
First of all, what day is it? Second of all, how much time do you have?
Responding to “what do you do?” in a way that feels good is something I am truthfully still working on, but here it goes. Right now, I get to be home with my kids. I’m also a writer.
This means my days are spent caring for one or both of my girls from the moment they wake up (6:30 AM) to when they go to bed (7:30 PM). Thanks to a supportive partner with a flexible job and my mom who lives 40 minutes away, I’m able to secure a couple windows during the week to write, too – with my baby strapped to me. While the role of full-time caretaker feels like the perfect fit for me and my family right now, writing has been bringing me so much joy. When you really love something, you find the time.
Aside from work – when I’m not breastfeeding my baby, trying to convince my toddler to keep her clothes on, or finding time to write – I love to read, coffee shop hop, and spend time outside with my family and friends.
I’m realizing as I get older that careers (and life) can have seasons. What season are you in now and where were you before?
I’ve been realizing that, too! I suppose there’s some merit to the phrase “older and wiser” after all. I’m 36-years-old and feel like I’ve lived multiple lives. It’s exhausting and exciting.
Currently, I’m 29 months into my mom era (but who’s counting?) and 17 months into a career pause (totally not counting) after 10+ years hustling in the world of brand marketing and creative direction for agencies and in-house brands. (I’ll stop throwing numbers out now.)
Besides taking a short burnout-induced hiatus when I turned 30 to “find myself” (aka the time I almost pursued a masters in marriage and family therapy)2, it’s been an eye-opening experience to take a meaningful break from the grind of corporate life to reassess what I want my career to look like longer term. I wasn’t really happy in my role prior to pausing and made a lot of excuses for why that was okay. Now that I’m a mom, it’s more important to me than ever that I model what it can look like to have a job that brings me more than just a paycheck.
For the first time in my life, I’m in a season that requires me to be resilient, patient, and mentally strong for people other than myself. I’m learning a lot. And while I might not be getting paid to make mood boards anymore, I’m finding ways to be creative in other ways – like experimenting with new recipes and getting down on my toddler’s level to truly play.
I love being able to be there for every moment with my kids, and I’m looking forward to returning to paid work again when that time comes. Having space to dream up the possibilities of what that might look like is a privilege that I do not take for granted.
As someone who has taken career downshifts/pauses myself, I love to hear who others arrived at the decision. Walk us through what that looked like for you and your family.
The decision to take a career pause was fully my own, but it was also a choice that I could only make with the support of my husband. Taking a leave from paid work has meant really buckling down on our finances and having a lot of (not fun) conversations about our budget on a regular basis. Yes, we’re saving on childcare ($$$), but we both have had to make lifestyle changes and sacrifices as a result of giving up a second income. If he didn’t get that or value the work I’m doing, this pause wouldn’t be sustainable.
To backtrack a bit, I had zip/nada/zero intention of leaving my job after my first daughter was born. In fact, I was so determined to prove to my former employer that nothing had changed when I returned from maternity leave that I continued to work like a psycho I was gunning for the role of CMO. In reality, everything had changed. I could lead a Zoom meeting and pretend like I was as present as ever, but the truth was that I was pumping off-camera, running on constant sleep deprivation, and increasingly miserable trying to juggle it all. I loved the thrill of launching a successful campaign, but I hated that I was only getting time with my daughter during the final moments before she fell asleep. Needless to say – I worked hard, cried hard. Something had to change.
Once I decided to be honest with myself and consider the possibility that being a SAHM didn’t equal failure, I opened up with my family and sought professional help from a therapist. After several months of therapy, I was able to work towards and plan for a life-changing decision that I’m now proud of today. My pause began shortly after my first daughter turned one. Now that I have a second baby girl, this pause is turning into more of an era but I’m okay with that. Like you said, careers (and our lives) have seasons.
For some reason the term “SAHM” (not the action) gives me the ick, I think because I feel like it doesn’t recognize the WORK that goes into being the primary caregiver for your children 365/24/7 — it’s truly the hardest JOB in the world?! I feel like it could use a rebrand. At the same time though, I’ve seen you use and embrace the term SAHM several times, and I love it. How do you, personally, get past the “stigma” that it can carry in this “era” of your life & the modern world we’re living in?
Oh, I hear ya! I use the term “Stay at Home Mom” because it’s the easiest way to explain my current position without launching into a whole rant about my background – and believe me, I’ve ranted plenty. But for the most part, yes, I’ve come to embrace the title after building more confidence in the role. It took me a while to get here though.
The stigma is so real, and I’m guilty of falling for it, too. Prior to taking a career pause, the image burned in my mind of a SAHM was someone who’d martyred herself to her kids, traded style for spit up-stained sweatpants, and never left the house. I was so wrong! Still, that depressing stereotype haunted me enough that I sought literal therapy before making the decision to quit my job. I didn’t want to become that. I didn’t want to be what pops in people’s heads when they hear “Stay at Home Mom.” So yeah, I think you’re onto something about a rebrand.
Maybe the rebrand happens by using our voices to help others understand what a SAHM really means in today’s society – that it doesn’t mean giving up or lacking ambition. I love the work Neha Ruch has done in amplifying the stories of inspiring women who’ve shifted their focus to family life for a period of time. Thanks to countless surveys and interviews she conducted for The Power Pause, we now know that women who have taken time away from paid work for a season are far from the June Cleaver image our minds have been trained to jump to. In fact, most of them return to the paid workforce stronger than ever! Meeting other creative moms who view caretaking as legit, valuable work, and who are still doing cool shit, has helped me feel more empowered to associate with the term. That, and simply spending enough time in the role to really respect everything that comes with it.
I now know what it really means to be a SAHM, so it’s easier to introduce myself as such – and to even feel proud of it.
One of my favorite letters of yours is “Fun Money” Finds and it’s all about budgeting after a career pause and how you spend leftover money each month. I’m fascinated by those who can budget effectively. Can you talk a little bit more about the details of the budgeting process in your household? Do you use an app or a spreadsheet? Is it exact or more loose? Etc.
Thank you so much – that was a “fun” one to write!
This is kind of embarrassing to admit, but aside from budgeting for a three-month road trip together, my husband and I hadn’t established a proper budget until seriously considering my career pause. That said, there was a major learning curve when we officially switched to one income in January 2024.
The most time consuming (and eye-opening) part was simply getting started. We combed through old bank statements to figure out a) how much we were bringing in every month with two incomes, b) how much we were spending every month, and c) where all that money was going. I won’t get too into the weeds about what we uncovered, but I’ll share that our analysis revealed we’d be able to make things work on one income with one major caveat – we’d need to scale way back on discretionary spending. For example, my DoorDash habit was one of the first things to go. It was (gasp) finally time to learn how to cook.
I’m married to a man who loves any excuse to use a spreadsheet, so we’ve used that to keep everything streamlined from day one. Everything we spend money on belongs in a category, and each category has a budget that gets replenished at the beginning of every month. For example, if I take my toddler out for a playdate to a coffee shop, then swing by the zoo, and stop at Target for face wash on the way home, I’ve dipped into three categories – eating out, Soleil (my toddler’s name), and beauty. I use my credit card for most purchases, so I’ll pull money out of those individual categories to pay it off every week.
At the end of every month, we check in. Did we overspend on groceries? Underspend somewhere else? Anything leftover goes to savings. After several months of tinkering, we’ve gotten pretty dang good at dialing it all in. We’ve learned so much – not just about our spending habits, but about how we communicate and work as a team. Whenever I do go back to paid work, I know we’ll be much smarter (and more aligned) about how we manage our money…but you better believe I’ll be splurging on a trip to Hawaii. It’s been a minute.
Pretend you’re speaking to your mentee — what’s one piece of career (or life) advice you would have for them?
Trust your intuition and let it light your path forward. If you wait until you’re 100% ready to do something, you’ll be waiting forever. It’s okay if it feels a little scary – in fact, that’s often a good thing. Just start, just leap, just do it.
Who do you look up to?
People who stand up for what they believe in, creative moms who proudly pivot when priorities shift, my parents who have been married for a million years.
Your Substack Bang Voyage is one of my top favorites. How did you come up with the name and what inspired you to start it?
Thank you! You know the feeling is mutual. :)
Like many others here, I’ve loved writing since childhood. English was my favorite subject in high school, and one of my dream jobs in early adulthood was to write for a fashion magazine...in New York. I may have watched too many ‘90s rom coms.3
Over the last decade in an industry that values quick and quippy copywriting, I’ve found opportunities to write, sure, but not in a way that truly quenched my thirst. Let’s be honest, there’s a profound difference between crafting ad copy and social captions for a product launch vs. editing an essay about the duality of motherhood. I much prefer the latter.
There’s been a voice in my head for years begging me to take writing seriously one day. When I was about four months into my career pause and began to crave work outside of caretaking, specifically something that I could own, I decided to finally take a stab at it – for real.
It all started with a private google doc that I’d chip away at while my daughter was napping and that eventually grew to about 75 pages. However, it wasn’t until the week I got pregnant with our second daughter that I decided to hit publish – and I mean that literally. Hours after I took my positive pregnancy test, I ran to Substack and set up an account as quickly as I could before pregnancy (with a toddler) gave me another reason to put it off. It really lit a fire in me.
Given the urgency I felt that day, I came up with ‘Bang Voyage’ in all of, idk, 10 seconds? A few things that led me to coming up with this name:
To know me is to understand that I will have bangs on and off during the course of our friendship. To cut, grow out, and then cut again is the cycle of my life. I’ve had every type of bangs you can imagine, from midnight black micro bangs to hot pink ‘70s bangs. In whatever form, bangs just feel very representative of me.
Please watch this clip. I’ve only seen it 100x.
I wanted to take this venture seriously but not too seriously.
I knew I was going to write about life as a new mom, but I didn’t want my newsletter name to reflect that just in case I wanted to write about more than motherhood one day.
Those things combined = Bang Voyage. And ya gotta say it like Nick Kroll. ;) I have so much to learn, but I’m really enjoying myself here! The best surprise has been finding community with like-minded and inspirational people along the way.
What do you love about motherhood right now?
I love that I’m starting to feel like I’m in an episode of Gilmore Girls.
The other night, I took my toddler out to get pizza for dinner and we listened to Taylor Swift on the drive home. She’s only two and a half, so our conversation mostly revolved around kitty cats and carousels and what was taking the pizza so long, but we were out to dinner and we were having a two-way conversation! I just love that.
I’ve also loosened up and learned that the world doesn’t end if she gets to bed a little late — especially in the summer. It just feels like the older she gets, the more fun we’re all having. At the same time, I’m more aware now with my second how quickly the time goes and am soaking up every contact nap before she’s running away from me in a pizza restaurant, too.
Gosh, and the absolute comedy show that is our toddler. She’s the funniest person I’ve ever met. Our house has never been filled with more laughter. That’s my favorite part about motherhood right now.
What feels hard about motherhood right now?
A lot of things!
I’m just barely three months into being a mom of two, and I’m still getting used to the tricky logistics that come with the transition. In fact, nothing feels harder than navigating that aspect of motherhood and the mom guilt trips that come with it.
Gone are the days of handing off one child to my husband so I can have solo time. Being alone with two is still daunting for both of us so we divide and conquer constantly. If I don’t have one of our kids with me, I have the other. That said, I’m almost never alone which can take its toll on an introvert like myself.
Also, my husband and I haven’t been able to have a date night since the evening I went into labor a few months ago, and I’d hardly call eating burgers while having contractions a hot date, so…yeah. That’s hard, too. Time alone or with my partner feels like even more of a luxury now, which I can look at as a challenge or a gift depending on my mood that day.
Oh, and breastfeeding. Every damn day. Being the only source of food for another human is hard.
Thankfully I’m aware now that everything is a phase, and two things can be true at once. Motherhood can somehow both be fulfilling and depleting, beautiful and miserable, rainbows and thunderstorms.
What does your parenting “village” or support system look like?
Aside from my partner who is truly all in it with me, I’m extremely fortunate to have my parents nearby. We have an arrangement right now with my mom where she watches our toddler two days a week which has been the greatest gift.
I have some wonderful mom friends in the area, too, including a good girlfriend who has a daughter around a similar age as mine. We’ve been getting together every week for over a year now so our bond is solid! She recently helped me conquer the fear I had around going out with both kids on my own. With her, I don’t ever feel like a solo parent when we’re out together. I feel like she treats mine like her own, and I definitely understand how special that is.
We also have great neighbors nearby who recently brought us food and treats when I was early into postpartum. As our kids get older, our community continues to grow. I feel incredibly grateful for that as it truly does take a village
.How do you carve out YOU time and what do you spend it doing?
I’m not afraid to cry ask for help!4 Until I meet an actual mind reader, communication will always be key – especially with having two kids.
If I want to carve out some “me time,” all I need to do is reach out to my partner and I know I’ll get the support to make it happen. It goes something like this. Me: “Hey, I’d really like to get a pedicure before the other moms at toddler gymnastics start calling me hobbit feet. Can you be with both of the girls this Friday morning so I can go on my own?” My husband: “I was going to say something. No problem.”
I haven’t asked for solo time in awhile though. Right now, while our baby is so young, it’s somewhat manageable to carve out “me time” when she’s napping because she naps a lot. I’m trying to rest when I can but will otherwise use that time to read, write, workout, or text my friends back. Sometimes I even put my red light mask on!
When things get a little easier, I'd love to leave both kids at home so I can see the new Wes Anderson film, grab dinner with a girlfriend, or go to a show. One of my favorite bands, Men I Trust, is playing at the House of Blues near me in August. If things go well, I’ll be there.
I’m also hoping to start running again soon – that’s something I did for myself about 4x a week prior to having our second daughter that really filled my cup. In fact, I somehow ran a half-marathon when I was in my second trimester this past year. I’m totally out of shape now and a little nervous to hit the pavement again, but I know it’ll feel empowering to return when I’m ready. If there are any other runners out there who want to start a virtual support group, hit me up!
Currently reading?
Crush by Ada Calhoun (big crush on it so far)
Currently watching?
The Valley (don’t judge me) and Hacks!
Three Substacks to recommend?
Three that I l-o-v-e aside from yours? It’s tough to narrow it down because I’m a fan of so many, but a few that come to mind: 1) Don’t Forget to Call Mom (Beautiful essays and killer interviews), 2) Clotheshorse (Obsessed with the Tack Shop series), and 3) Pandora’s Box of Shit (I’m laughing just thinking about that one)
How would you describe your style?
Eclectic modern. I’m very into fun pants, bold colors, and leopard as a neutral.
One thing in your closet you come back to time and time again?
You’ve heard about them before, and you’ll hear about them again. The donni pointelle pants! They’re as good as we all say and very postpartum friendly. I wear them under button downs, oversized vintage tees, nightgowns, and more. I’m wearing them now.
One thing you’re lusting over?
has me wanting Salomons again.A favorite place you’ve traveled to?
Germany! Ich habe es geliebt.
One thing you’re looking forward to?
Getting coffee with you one day, obviously.
What’s your superpower?
Staying calm!!! I keep my exclamation mark energy inside.
Where can people find you? (plug yourself!)
Please find me at Bang Voyage on Substack. I love the community on Substack and mean it when I say you can DM me whenever you want to chat. You can also give me a follow on Instagram, an app that I have a complicated relationship with right now, @elinmariestrong.
Thank you for reading just a splash! If you enjoy my work, there are a few ways to support:
Like, comment & share this post! Truly so grateful — each ping makes my day.
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Is she THE BEST or what?! Also, I stole the use of footnotes for notes like this from Elin because she’s the GOAT.
Told you we have A LOT in common.
Same :)
Please read this letter by Elin! Highly recommend.
Perfect interview. Perfect person. The fact that she ran a half marathon pregnant, too?! Completely in awe!
Alone time as a luxury when breastfeeding - oh my goodness I feel that so deeply (currently breastfeeding my six week old, who has made the boob his permanent address lately 🫠)